Baby’s first sushi roll!

She is so her father’s daughter! Egg, nori, and rice roll. Yummmmm!

Helloooo!

Well on Friday and yesterday, Little Bear started raising her arm in what seemed to be some sort of response to stimulus. On Sunday, it became clear that she was “waving.” So, of course, Papa and I spent the whole day walking around town, trying to get her to show off for people. It was actually quite easy, as we went to church this morning and everyone wants to say “hi” to her there. I took a video, but of course I used her real name and neither of my video editing programs are working so I can’t post it here quite yet. So I don’t think this counts as a late entry… just an unsuccessful one!

 

PS I see another tooth coming up. Hooray!

Little Bear’s first birthday party!

Little Bear’s friend invited her to his birthday party. By that, of course, I mean his mom invited our family but we’ll just pretend otherwise. I took the opportunity to get Little Bear all dressed up (I even bought her “new” clothes for the occasion) and we piled in the car to go.

That, in and of itself, was kind of funny seeing as it turned out that we live, like, 10 blocks from them. Literally ten blocks. We could have walked. Anyway, it was lots of fun and Little Bear got to interact with some other babies. I learned two things: One, she is a giant. Seriously. There were a few babies about her age and both were WAY smaller. Even the one year old birthday boy wasn’t as tall. And two: she may be a biter. I really think she is just trying to “kiss” people (and by “kiss” I mean she opens her mouth and dives towards someone’s body) but I think it looks kind of scary to other parents. I guess on the bright side, she only has one tooth.

Now mama is sick, too.

Short post tonight as I desperately need to calm this pounding headache by climbing into bed. We went to pho tonight in hopes that it would make me feel better. It didn’t, really, but tasted great anyway.

Little Bear is into pushing things around lately. Maybe we’ll have some pictures of that tomorrow!

Food strike

Since Little Bear has been sick, she’s been on a food strike. I thought the steroids would help but she still doesn’t want to eat much. Tonight, when I couldn’t figure out what else she’d want, I offered her a Pedialyte popsicle. She was pretty happy to chew on it… I’m sure it made the little tooth cutting through feel better, as well.

She did have some smiles for Papa, though, when he showed up!

P.S. Can someone tell me where these beautiful blue eyes came from? I would have put money on the fact that we’d have a brown eyed baby.

Growing too fast

I love this shirt that I bought for Little Bear but it’s a 12 month size and she’s already growing out of it. Sad day for Mama.

Poor baby…

Little Bear’s condition didn’t get any better on Monday so when I talked to the nurse at her pediatrician’s office on Monday evening, she advised us to take Little Bear into Urgent Care. I was worried about dehydration at this point (she only drank 3 oz. or so of formula when she was with Grandma all day) so we chose the Urgent Care closest to the hospital where I delivered. The receptionist put forth the enormous effort to look up from her In Style magazine and inform us that the wait was an hour (without even asking about Little Bear’s symptoms) so we should go to a different Urgent Care office. This reinforces my belief that, while it may be called “Urgent Care” they neither act like your situation is urgent nor do they care.

In any case, my poor baby’s fever had gone from 100 to 103 in a matter of hours and she was having trouble breathing and still wasn’t eating anything. When we were (quickly) seen at the second Urgent Care office, the doctor (whose name sounded appropriately, I thought, like “Caveman”) very helpfully told us to use a humidifier. He also said she did have an ear infection (can you say “I told you so?”) and prescribed amoxicillin. Boy, did that smell take me back to my childhood! Anyway. we were sent home with orders to double her up with acetaminophen and ibuprofen and call the ped in the morning.

So fast forward to today, even though the night was anything but fast. Our wonderful pediatrician saw us this morning and decided that Little Bear has croup, which is apparently baby laryngitis. She prescribed an oral steroid to be administered in food or drink. Which was difficult because she still was not eating or drinking. I worked hard on making something she’d like: warm cream of wheat with whole milk and maple syrup but I still had to spend an hour force feeding her which culminated in me holding her head and shoving the last bites into her mouth. We were both crying by that point.

She’s still not eating much but she’s asleep again in her car seat, in her bedroom. Our bed looks like a war zone from the past few days but boy is it inviting right about now. The only thing I want more than sleep is lots and lots of ice water, as I’ve been trying to nurse constantly for the past three days. In any case, in short order, I will have both and be blissfully passed out until she coughs herself awake again. Please send lots of prayers for my little angel. She doesn’t deserve to feel this crummy!

First fever :(

As I mentioned before, I took Little Bear in for her first doctor’s appointment on Friday. They didn’t find anything wrong, despite the fact that she hasn’t been eating or sleeping very well recently AND she’s been holding her ear. Anyway, on Saturday, she started to develop this deep, chesty cough and this evening she started to run a fever. It’s only 100.1, so nothing really of note, other than the fact that it’s her first one. She had a very difficult time going to sleep tonight so I sat in with her (thank goodness for my new Nook!) for about an hour and a half so she wouldn’t wake up with every cough. She was finally in a deep enough sleep that I could put her down and go watch “Modern Family” with Papa and update the blog.

I think we’re turning in soon, though, because I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night!

Celebrate

We went over to Oma and Opa’s house yesterday to celebrate my birthday. Opa made one of his famous lemon meringue pies and Little Bear was excited to help me blow out the candles. That is, of course, if by “help me blow out the candles” you mean “trying to touch the flames.”

First doctor’s visit

I mean, obviously it’s not really the first visit, since we’ve gone for well baby checks her whole life. But this is the first time I took her in because I thought something was wrong. More about that tomorrow.. just had to post the picture for today.

Happy Birthday!

Todai shut down so we went to Macaroni Grill instead. Crappy picture, fun night!

Fat cat on a green carpet

After three loooong meetings at work today, I am out of inspiration and ready for bed. So here it is, my 365.

Fat cat on a green carpet. With some help from PSE and Pioneer Woman PSE Actions, of course.

Clothes explosion

As far as moms go, I don’t think I really buy *that* many clothes for Little Bear… and a lot of what I do buy is clearance and second hand. But somehow she’s ended up with just loads of little outfits and something needs to be done about them. My system of organization has been haphazard at best, by which I mean that I have just thrown small clothes into tubs and called it good. But we want to have more kids AND our garage just isn’t big enough so I decided it was time to sort. There’s nothing really that exciting about this, other than that it gives you a glimpse into my picture of the day. My family room doesn’t really usually look like this. I promise.

Playing catch-up…

We just got back from a long weekend at the beach house where we were without internet (except, of course, our trusty BlackBerries) for several days. I almost posted an update from my phone until I found out I couldn’t post pictures and then my entry got deleted so upon further consideration, it just wasn’t worth it. So, without further ado, here we go:

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Thursday

Despite what is essentially a triple planning period in the afternoon, Thursday rushed by maniacally. BUNCO Thursday night and then straight to bed so I’d be ready for Friday. While I was running around packing for the beach, I sat Little Bear in her high chair with some Cheerios (new favorite finger food). They weren’t cutting it, though, excitement-wise so I put “Up” on the TV. We’ve sort of had the television on periodically in her general vicinity but she hasn’t shown much interest in watching except for a few seconds at a time. And then my mommy guilt kicks in and I turn it off.

I left her there for about 10 minutes this time, just long enough to throw some things in the laundry, feed the dog, and use the restroom and then of course felt bad about it the rest of the night. Is mommy guilt directly proportionate to the length of the guilt-ridden activity? There’s got to be some sort of a study out there…

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Friday

After taking care of a few things on Friday morning, we headed out to the coast. The weather in town was cool and clear and I looked forward to a nice-ish weekend with plenty of fresh air… perfect tor tired moms and growing babies. Unfortunately, when we got there it was cold and rainy rainy rainy! As a result, Little Bear spent much of the weekend staring out at all that nice fresh air, instead of spending time in it.

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Saturday

Papa has been a bit sad lately that Little Bear seems to find more comfort in me than she does in him. I assure him that it’s just the age and the fact that, well, I smell like dinner but I can tell it’s still hard. But when he comes in the room, she gets the biggest smile on her face that I can almost never get out of her.

Mark my words, readers, this one is a papa’s girl through and through.

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Sunday

More  rain today and lots of creative play inside. Also, more gazing out the window at the wind blowing through the grass.

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Monday (today)

FInally, the day dawned clear(ish). We took a morning walk to Pig n Pancake and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast before packing up. I just can’t get enough of the beach and would really love a house of my own there one day. I guess I’ll just add it to the list after raised flower beds, a new carpet, and college tuition for Little Bear and all her siblings. More beach pictures tomorrow. For now, my bed is calling and Tuesday morning is coming way too fast!

Oatmeal strike

Little Bear has been on sort of an oatmeal strike the last few days. We usually give it to her at the beginning of the meal, mixed with formula or breast milk, to get some extra nutrition in. Well since we’ve been feeding her spicier table food (not spicy like hot peppers, spicy as in, has spices in it), I think she feels cheated with the oatmeal. So today I made her some cauliflower, carrot, and tomato with basil. Hope she likes it!

Sautéing the tomatoes, cheese, and basil.

Pureeing it all together.

Hmm, looks like the picture in the cookbook, doesn’t it! Yay me!

Nursing: Our story

Disclaimer: This is likely not interesting to anyone that does not have a little one at home, or is working out problems with nursing. Feel free to read on, pass on, etc. but don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Little Bear and I have had quite a tumultuous nursing relationship. We’re to a place that I am fairly happy with at the moment but it’s taken a long time to get here. I want to share my story with others for  the same reason that I have been pouring over nursing blogs in the past couple of months: to offer at least one more voice of support, one more story in the archive, one more real life mom out there who says “You can do it!”

My labor with Little Bear was induced, which means that I had a saline drip for the better part of a day (from about noon to 3 am, when she was born). I also had an epidural, starting at about 9pm. When Little Bear was born, she weighed 8lb 1oz and was alert, awake, and healthy. The doctor put her to my breast right away, but with all the people waiting to see her, and my general clumsiness as a new mom, I don’t think that first nursing session was very successful. Also, I have no idea how the epidural affected her nursing, or if it did at all. Honestly, looking back on the first few days is kind of blurry now. I know that I kept trying to breastfeed her every few hours but I had the sense that she wasn’t getting much. The next morning, her weight was down to 7lb 4 oz. The nurses explained that part of that was normal, as babies tend to take on water weight when the mom has an iv. However, Little Bear’s bilirubin levels were also high. This meant that she had jaundice, which also made her very sleepy. I have no real experience with newborns, but I know that she slept all the time for the first three weeks of her life. While we were still in the hospital, she especially slept whenever she nursed. I was frustrated and worried she wouldn’t get enough, not only to sustain her, but for the jaundice to go away.

One of the hospital’s IBCLC’s came in and helped us out a few times, which I liked. Little Bear had a very shallow latch, though I didn’t know the name for it at the time. It hurt when she nursed AND she wasn’t able to get that much, which mean that my milk didn’t come in very quickly, or in very great amounts. No one suggested that I go get my pump though, in retrospect, that’s what I should have done. So I kept (unsuccessfully) nursing every few hours. At some point, the IBCLC asked if I wanted to supplement with formula. She said it would be “just until my milk came in” or until Little Bear was better at nursing AND told me I could do it without using a bottle. I knew enough (and really, despite how this sounds, I had read a LOT) to know I didn’t want to use a bottle, but this tube and syringe method sounded intriguing.

So we started supplementing. Again, in retrospect, I would have said “no” and given my (and her) body time to adjust. That’s not really fair, though. I made what I thought was the best decision at the time. What I mean to say is that next time, I will say “no.” But I said “yes” and we started down that slippery slope. You know, it’s really hard, being a new parent and wanting what’s best for your baby, but hearing different opinions on that from everyone you meet/read/listen to. Her jaundice got worse after we left the hospital, and she wasn’t gaining that magic 1oz/day. She slept all the time, I fed her all the time, and my life was taken up by either sleeping, feeding myself, or feeding her. Thank goodness I had the support of Papa and my mom to clean out all those tiny pieces because I don’t know what I would have done.

Those days are a blur. I met with an IBCLC twice a week for weigh-ins and coaching. We used nipple shields because her latch was so painful, kept up with the tube and syringe and I pumped every other feeding session. I could have done more but when you’re in the midst of that sleep-deprived, hyper-anxious, new parent state, there’s a line you have to draw between making yourself crazy and, in this case, pumping all the time. And let me tell you, I loved my lactation consultant. We finally got the latch down properly, she applauded our victories, no matter how small, and kept my ultimate goals in mind (exclusive breastfeeding, breastfeeding to at least a year old). Eventually we switched from the syringe to bottles and worked on slowly cutting down the amount of formula/expressed breast milk that Little Bear got each day. And we documented EVERYTHING. Every diaper, every nap, every ounce, every minute of her life. I also was taking a barrage of herbs and supplements, eating my oatmeal, and drinking (water) like a fish but none of it seemed to make any difference.

The first time my lactation consultant mentioned taking medicine, I cried in her office. I tried to pass it off like I was coughing but I’m sure she knew better. A few weeks later, though, when I had started weaning her from the supplements and she still wasn’t gaining weight, I got the prescription. It doubled my milk supply, at least based on what I got from pumping, which was great! So we kept at it.

There were weeks there during the summer when I almost thought it would be possible. I was cutting down the formula and she was so close, just 4-6 ounces per day away from exclusive breastfeeding. And there was one day that I didn’t give her any formula or ebm at all… and I was so proud. But she stopped gaining weight. And I got worried and didn’t trust my body, so we started with the formula again. I kept pumping, I kept breastfeeding (for awhile we went back to every two hours) but I think that’s when I gave up on at least one of my hopes.

Around that same time, I started noticing that I was nervous and anxious all the time. I had sort of attributed it to starting work again, but one day it occurred to me that it might be the Reglan that I was taking. I went in to my OB and he was  nice enough to prescribe Domperidone to me, even though it’s not FDA approved and certainly isn’t covered by my insurance. This is a good time to mention that Papa has been incredibly supportive through all of this. He went to appointments with me, brought me food and water while I fed her, and has stood up for me to (thankfully few) questioning family and friends. In any case, thte Domperidone increased my supply about as much as the Reglan did and I started feeling better, but I still wasn’t able to get her completely off the formula. I kept seeing the IBCLC but eventually, she ran out of suggestions to give me and one day I just stopped going.

So that’s where we ended up. I still take the Domperidone and, work days, nurse Little Bear once in the (early) morning, once at night, and pump once during the day. My supply seems stable (with the meds) and she still enjoys the time we are spending together (that is to say, she doesn’t prefer a bottle, sippy cup, or even solid food now that she eats it). It still makes me sad every time I mix up a bottle for her and I keep thinking of how it will be different the next time around. I will trust my body more and the scale less. I will pay more attention to diapers, alertness, and her cues than I will to doctors, charts, and growth curves. But I do have at least one reason to celebrate: Little Bear turned 8 months old this week and we’re still going strong. I think we’re going to make it to the year mark and, despite all of these things that I feel bad about, that is something that I am proud of.

Long day…

Late start Monday with a staff meeting and PLC’s in the morning (this is really not interesting unless you are a teacher and even then…), two arts block periods in the afternoon, and then over to Papa’s parents’ house to watch the Ducks play in the BCS game. Unfortunately, they lost but we had fun anyway. And now Little Bear (my usual picture subject) is in bed and I had to resort to a camera phone image of Saimin for my 365 picture. He’s a great dog, even if we don’t deserve him!

Splish splash, I was taking a bath.

Lily had her first bubble bath tonight. I didn’t have high hopes, as she spent the evening with Nana and Boppa and was a little tired. She loved it, though, and spent a good amount of time splashing around and playing with the bubbles. Ah, one of life’s great joys. It was fun to introduce her to it!

On top of spaghetti

We’ve slowly started feeding Little Bear table food. She’s just so into it that it’s hard to say no. So I make sure we use healthy ingredients, cut things up into little pieces, and watch her closely for choking or allergies. Tonight I decided to break out the spaghetti. An ordinary bib wouldn’t be enough for this meal. For this, I stripped her down to her prefold (cotton diaper). Not even a cover…. I didn’t want to get orange on them. Good thing, too. As you can see, the mess got EVERYWHERE!

Look how big she’s getting in her high chair! I can’t even believe this is my tiny baby!

Aaand… straight into the bath!

We also got her 8 month picture today, one day late. Oh well, she didn’t grow any overnight. Enjoy!

Happy 8 month birthday, Little Bear!

We tried to get the bear picture tonight… and this is what we ended up with. Maybe we’ll attempt it again tomorrow!

Redecorating, Target style

I’ve decided lately that my bedroom needs a facelift. When we moved in here, I decided I wanted somewhere cheerful to wake up. Light yellow walls, medium tone wood furniture, flowered bedspread, happy pictures… but since I’ve had Little Bear, I find myself needing a little less “cheerful” and a little more “relaxing.” Like a hotel room. So with some of my Christmas money I went out and bought a new bedspread set from Target. It was inexpensive, but I think it’s elegant and it will do the job. Am I grasping at straws? Maybe. Have I been overzealous with the pillows? Maybe. Now, I just need to pick some new paint, swap out some of the pictures, and add some artfully placed candles and decorations. It will be my haven, amidst all the baby clothes, board books, and plastic toys.

Ok, the carpet is still teal and the kennel is still in the corner, but it’s something, isn’t i? And for that, I am grateful.

New Prints

Remember how I said I went to Cotton Babies yesterday? Well, one of the new diaper covers I got was a Thirsties duo wrap in Blackbird. I’ve been wanting the print for awhile but they haven’t carried it in snaps. I don’t have anything more to say about that.

Little Bear is still trying to get over her cold. She’s in the nursery with papa right now, crying because her little nose is so stuffy she can’t sleep. I’ve done my hour of housework for the evening (a new habit I’m trying to get in to) and have now updated my blog. Now, maybe a little playing around with Adobe Premier Elements before bed!

Cotton Babies

I’m home with Little Bear today as she has a cold and had quite a rough time sleeping last night. We went from crib to swing to car seat in crib until finally she went down around 11. Our childcare for the day was day care and I know she never sleeps there so I decided to keep her (and myself) in the house. We did make a quick outing to Cotton Babies where I bought a couple more Thirsties duo wraps (Blackbird and Ocean, in case anyone cares). I can not express how much I love that store. If you had told me two years ago that I would enjoy browsing through diapers so much, I never would have believed you. But the softness and the colors and the patterns… it’s almost too much. Well, actually, it is too much since buying everything I want is not in the budget. Ah well. And then there are the clothes. Oh, the clothes! They are WAY out of my price range but they’re so cute and if Little Bear wore them I would look like such an eco-friendly, environmentally responsible mother. That’s worth the price, isn’t it?

Well, maybe another day. I do know that this is now my go-to store for baby showers, though, and if you’re in town, you should definitely check it out!

Finally caught up.

Well here it is day three and I’ve caught up with my 365 project. I promise, I won’t talk about it all the time. However, as I said before, it is a way for me to write and photograph (two things which I enjoy doing) more often. Today’s photograph is of our family room decorated for Christmas. I have sort of a love/hate relationship with my house. We bought a foreclosure that needed a LOT of work. Mostly cosmetic things, which is what I told myself when we bought it, but we don’t have a ton of money to throw at it all at once so lots of those cosmetic things still need to be done. I know, we are trying to “live like no one else” but it’s hard sometimes, not being able to buy new furniture, carpet, landscaping etc. Anyway, Papa recently got a great deal on Craigslist for some used IKEA furniture and we were able to rearrange our family room. With the wainscoting finally up (that one wasn't put off because of a lack of money, it was because of a lack of time and energy!) and the Christmas tree decorated, I actually love the room! This is a big thing for me. I love spending time by the roaring fire, cuddling up in the (used) recliner, and watching Lily play on the floor. New furniture will come later, but for now, I’m happy.

Splishety splashety!

Bath time has changed so much since Little Bear was born. She screamed all the way through her very first one… which, in retrospect, may have been because the water was, like, 70 degrees. After getting mad at Papa for very tentatively and politely questioning my parenting abilities by saying that it was too cold, I checked the internet (of course) and he was right. When we got the water up to 99 degrees, she was happy as clam. We started out using the baby tub with a sling in it on the counter, then we moved the baby tub into the bathtub, then we took the sling out. By this time, she was flailing and kicking so much I thought she’d flip herself right out so we graduated to using just the big person tub. I realize this is now getting into the “who really cares” zone but please understand that I’m using this blog for my own memory as much as anything else. In any case, sitting up was a problem until we got this squishy mat. Unfortunately, our bathtub floor is textured so the mat doesn’t actually stick but it solves our problem until I think of something better. And boy does this little girl love the water. She would be happy to stay in it all day. Unfortunately for her, bedtime comes right after bath time (and reading time and snack time) because Mama has important things to do in the evenings. Like updating her blog.

The little things… my 365 project

I’ve decided to start a “My 365” project. Ambitious, I know, but isn’t that what the New Year is about? Basically what this entails is taking and posting a picture every day. Some people give themselves more guidelines than that but really, I think this is enough. Also, I’d like to get back into writing more. Since Little Bear has been born, I often feel like my brain has turned to mush. It is difficult to track conversations, respond to questions about my life (especially if I want the answer to have anything to do with anything BESIDES Little Bear), and think into the future at all. Listening to NPR on the way to work has helped some. At least now, when I’m struggling to be coherent, I can call on my old friends Casey NcGriff and Christian Fodenventzel (this is only funny if you live here in the PacNW) for material. All that being said, here is my first picture. I’m cheating a little and back-dating this entry but I can’t wait another year to start this just because I didn’t get the idea on January 1st, can I?

I am in love with every part of Little Bear. Even the drippy, scratchy, and crying parts of her but I am especially in love with her eyelashes. When she was born, she didn’t have any at all. I thought it odd but was willing to overlook such minor details. As she has grown, though, so have they and how she has these big beautiful curls. It’s really too bad the rest of her hair hasn’t followed suit. In any case, I thought it fitting to start such a big project with such a small detail of my baby. Off to a good start, I think. Stay posted for tomorrow’s picture (which, of course, I will post tonight since in “real time” it’s already January 3rd!)